Whoever said God is without a sense of humor will undoubtedly find themselves the victim of Divine-humor in the coming future. It probably won’t be a pie-in-the-face kind of thing but it will be good for a chuckle.
Case in point, God knows I struggle with patience which is why the following event is funny. I recently spent what felt like my entire morning behind an Express-Hole at Wal-Mart. For those of you that never heard the term it is because you are an Express-Hole and people are calling you one behind your back OR you are ignorant of new slang. If you are the latter the definition is this:
Any person who has more than the amount of items listed for the express lane and jerk-ishly checks out anyway!
If you are the former- may God have mercy on your soul.
I am a mother of a small child; she is two years old so my visits into the outside word of social order and decorum must be limited and free from any stimulus that might send her into a tantrum. When I finished shopping my items were: deodorant, gum and pull-ups and yes, I had used the last of all of these items so I couldn’t just abandon my basket and leave the store.
As I pulled into the express lane the Express-Hole moved in front of me, (being cut off isn’t just an automotive term) I took one look at her basket and gently said,
“Oh, this is the express lane” and pointed casually to the sign that clearly read 15 items or less.
I truly believed she hadn’t seen her error; but I was wrong which is why she was a HUGE Express-Hole.
As I live and breathe the woman actually responded with, “I hope you packed your patience,” and began to unload her products on the belt.
It is a wonderful thing that God gave us the ability to think before we speak because I actually thought something that shouldn’t be repeated.
My second thought was to simply find another line but I noticed that the fifty-seven other registers were all predictably closed and the open ones were just as long as my line if not longer.
At the very least the Express-Hole could have let me and my three items go first, but oh-no, she was in pure Express-Hole form. Particularly because she tried to use coupons that had expired and asked to speak with the manager about a loaf of bread that was shelved under the wrong price.
After an amount of time that was just shy of me bleeding out my eyes, the Express-Hole finally finished checking out. I restrained myself from following her out to her car and committing vehicular retaliation…but it was difficult, very difficult.